The Station

This was the featured student blog of a woman in my acting class today. It was so beautiful and simple that I had to share. This is why we create art. Wherever this finds you, I hope it inspires you to move forward into your fears to defeat them.

AN OPEN DOOR – A true story

One night I was awakened by Mickey, my golden retriever crying and panting, afraid of the thunder and lightening outside.  He always panicked when there was a storm.  Mickey kept running back and forth between my bedroom and the top of the staircase.  I finally got up and went to the top of the stairs.  I saw that the front door of the house had blown open!  I ran down, shut it tight and patted him, “Good boy, now be quiet and go to sleep.”  He whimpered for a bit and crawled off downstairs.  He settled down even though the storm continued, and I thought, “Wow, in his old age, he’s not so scared anymore!”

When the sun rose, I found him on the floor with his nose pressed against the basement door sniffing at something on the other side.  Some creature had sneaked into the house through the open door that night.  I got my broom ready to shoo it out of the house.  With Mickey by my side, I opened the door.  There in front of us stood a wet German shepherd, cold and shaking.  I screamed and jumped back in fear.  Mickey charged at the dog.  They ran around the basement growling and biting at each other.  I thought they were going to kill each other until I realized they were playing!  I finally was able to get hold of the dog and read the tag on the collar.  I called the owners who were so relieved that someone had found their dog.  I told them, “Your dog found us!”

Molly, the German shepherd was scared of storms too!  The door to Molly’s house had blown open that night as well and Molly bolted out the door!  In her fear, Molly ran with abandonment into the storm.  She was so terrified that she ran five miles through the thunder and lightning and pelting rain!  And by some twist of fate she found our open door.  Call it serendipity or luck – just what Molly needed at just the right time.

This is a true story.  I am in awe of that night.  Molly had run INTO what she feared the most and in her running had found our open door – a safe place to tremble with another kindred spirit.  And Mickey had quieted so quickly that night because on the other side of the basement door was a creature even more scared than he.  Nose to nose with the door between them Mickey and Molly got through the violent storm.  They became friends.

Matthew Corozine Studio is my OPEN DOOR.  This is where I go through the storm in the middle of the night.  I am grateful to have found a safe place to tremble with kindred spirits, and a place to discover and play at this business of being an actor.  I came into acting later in life.  After a career as a writer and in marketing, I finally decided to pursue my childhood dream.  I studied acting for a few years with some wonderful teachers at HB studios and got some acting work.  I was pretty content with what I had accomplished so far, but I had only allowed myself to go as far as I felt safe.  I knew I had to take a leap into what scared me the most if I wanted to go further.

I found MCS one day when I was coming off the stage from a show at Roy Arias studios.  I passed by the MCS door just as a class was getting out.  As the door opened, this rush of energy came at me.  The energy was so strong it was almost visible.  I wanted that energy.  I wanted more…there it was at that very moment through that open door at MCS.  Call it serendipity, fate, or luck – just what I needed at just the right time.

I am a mother of five boys and I often send them other people’s quotes so they won’t think its actually me telling them what to do or feel.  I can’t help myself.  I’m just a mother who loves her kids.  I share with you a quote that came into my email today that I forwarded to them.

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”  – Joseph Campbell

With gratitude to Matthew, Diane Dreher

To my Monday/Wednesday classmates :

I share with you a quote that I have saved for almost 20 years.  Nelson Mandela used it in his inauguration speech in 1994.  It rings true to me today after studying with you all for the last five months. (Yes, I sent this to my kids many times!)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you NOT to be?

You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure about you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is withing us.

In is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Maryanne Williamson

beatbrokers:

Catch @shoshanabean at @showatbarrela this Monday — it’s the last one in LA for a while. No cover. Reserve your seating ASAP. VIP packages available too: http://bit.ly/z63gex

beatbrokers:

New @shoshanabean tune — Running Out Of Days (Live)

Check it homies. Great new stuff!

(via beatbrokers)

vjrosales:

YO! Check out my new original, “Please Be My Christmas” with my band @CVertigoMusic! Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year! FREE DOWNLOAD at vjrosales.bandcamp.com.

Complacency…

Fight that shit hard.

"You never realize how badly you want something until you see what you’re willing to sacrifice to get it."

A fine line

As an artist, you hear a million different things from a million different people about what you should and should not do. Everyone wants to give you advice, and sometimes they’re credit worthy and sometimes they’re complete nut jobs. My own mother still gives me career advice and essentially knows nothing about the entertainment industry. Who do you listen to??? Right now I’m struggling on straddling the fence between two voices in my head..

“BE YOURSELF!”

“Fit in.”

In a recent conversation with one of my mentors, she told me “Nobody else is like you. You’re unique, be yourself. People want to see that!”

But what do people want to see? I use the F word a few zillion times a day, and my headshots will NOT show you that I essentially look like a fetus without any makeup on. I’m a huge weirdo who is obsessed with bunnies and loves butterfingers, and it currently reads “sequined dog clothing” in my google search bar. That’s me ya’ll.. a huge dork who desperately wants to be loved.

And there’s the other side of the spectrum.. fitting in. Working out to get that body to a sample size because no one wants to look at a fat person on stage. And you better learn to belt way above the staff and be able to riff the shit out of anything, because no one writes legit stuff anymore. Be fashionable. Whiten your teeth. Dye your hair. Use the words ‘totes’ & ‘fierce’ once every 5 minutes.

This industry is such a hypocritical bitch! They want all the mushy good stuff on the inside, but want to dictate what’s on the outside. You see what’s out there and want to emulate what people receive well, but in the end you’re doing yourself a disservice by not being authentic. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. So where is the ‘ME’ in all of this? I’m still figuring it out.

It’s all about trial and error. Find out what works and what doesn’t. Gracefully straddle the fence. There’s a fine line in there somewhere.. you just gotta find it.

“Let the moment go, don’t forget it for a moment though.” 

Fucking Sondheim. Always proving a damn point just when I want to be stubborn. 

Today as we were wrapping up another show of ‘Dear John Mayer’, I struggled with the looming reality that in a week it will all be over and I’ll be on a flight to New York to start the next chapter of my life. Since WHEN is it August, 2011, and where has my life gone? I just want to freeze time and grasp onto something tangible and never let go. 

It still shocks me at how quickly moments come and go. Like today, for instance. I arrived at the theatre in the morning to get ready for the show, by mid-afternoon we started the run, and just a couple hours later it was over. We striked the set, everyone went home, and a reading of a new show took place at night. There was no trace of what had happened just a few hours earlier, other than the ghosts in my mind that were still dancing across the stage that now supported a whole new cast. And NOW I’m just sitting here on my couch writing this blog. It’s a feeling I’ll never get used to, or like. 

I live in my memories. I hate change, I hate when things end, and I HATE goodbyes. I spend my days fondly recalling something that happened last week, or counting down the days until something that will happen next week. I’m incredibly nostalgic, and I’m terribly impatient. And what it leaves me with is the present that I so often underestimate. 

My new goal as I begin this next journey, is to just take things day by day. To let the moments come and go, take them for what they’re worth, embrace, and press on. I’m constantly wishing I could relive a certain moment to feel that exact emotion I felt last week, last month, last year, 5 years ago.. I need to get better at accepting the fact that things can’t last forever and that the future is as bright as you allow it to be. Have a little faith in the universe and know that there will be a million more wonderful moments for the million of ones that have past.. but you gotta let go and move forward first. 

DJM

For the past month I’ve been fortunate enough to work on @ShoshanaBean’s new musical @dearjohnmayer, as the dresser. What’s a dresser, you ask? In real life they usually have someone much more competent than I, you know.. someone who can actually sew costumes and fix things. I mostly just take out the dry cleaning and glue rhinestones to various costume pieces and make sure Shoshana gets from one sequined dress to another during the show in all of 20 seconds. Bless her soul for trusting me with getting her dressed.. most days I cant even dress myself. But that’s a whole different story. 

Anyway, I just wanted to write a little blog for myself so I can remember at least SOMETHING that happened this summer. I move to New York in less than a month, and let’s be honest, half my brain and sanity will probably be gone after a week in the city, so I figure I better write some stuff down. 

First of all, the show is fantastic. I mean, obviously you’re going to like it because as soon as Shoshana opens her mouth she’ll melt you with that voice, but the show is GOOD! Not just like.. some good tunes and a shit script (like so many shows these days seem to be), but it’s different and real and raw. It’s very relatable, which I think is the most important thing when it comes to a shows success. Its not like you’re watching something with singing ogres and princesses and donkeys and you cant relate at all, because I’m sorry, when was the last time YOU saw an ogre? When I came in for the first dress rehearsal I definitely shed a tear a few times. If you’re an artist, I garuntee you will relate to something in the show at least once. And sometimes a line comes out and you’re like.. wow, that happened to me last WEEK! It’s emotional. And knowing the show is based off of so many personal experiences, it gets in there. Under your skin. You hear these lines and it stings because you know it really happened, and not only did it happen to her, but its happened to you. Very honest.

Watching this show come to life from the ground up is also such an incredible thing to see. One day these two brave women (Eydie Faye, the fabulous book writer & Shoshana) decided to write a show, and a year later, here it is in a workshop production! It’s such a great reminder that all great things start from an idea and can eventually become a reality. But you gotta put in the work. And let me tell you, these ladies work HARD. First of all, Eydie is PREGNANT for christ’s sake! If I were about to pop out a kid in a month, I surely would be in bed all day having my husband fetch me chocolate milkshakes and pickles. But she is at every single rehearsal and every single performance! Making changes and writing down what works and what doesn’t. She comes in during intermission every show to pep talk the cast. She is dedicated, man. And then there is Shoshana, who I think is just a freak of nature or something. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met someone who works so hard. She is a perfectionist. Every show I walk into the theatre and she’s already there up on stage running numbers with the band or working with her backup singers. She very well could stroll into the theatre and hour before curtain and leave everything be, but instead she’s hustling. Until the tempo to every song is just as she wants it, to every wig head glued down on on a set piece, she is there. People are born with talent but achieve success. She’s as fierce as she is cause she works her ass off. We could all take a lesson from her.

Oh, and did I mention that the show is funny? Hilarious, even! If you come see it you’ll probably hear me chuckling from off stage because it STILL makes me laugh. 

And finally we’ve got the rest of the talented and ridiculously sexy cast. If you don’t even like theatre, at LEAST come see the show to take a gander at Bryan Terrell Clark’s biceps. But really.. the cast is phenomenal. Melanie Nyema, Jordan Ballard, Tammy Fey, Brian Terrell Clark, Maia Rosenfeld, Dionne Gipson, and Allison Mattox. All extremely good looking and genuinely nice people. And people, this is not their only job! They all have a million other things going on in their lives, (singing for Barry Manilow.. recording their own albums, teaching..) and yet they show up each day ready to work because in that moment this show is the most important thing. They’re on their grind and it is certainly inspiring to be around. Also makes you realize how crazy you have to be to work in this business. It is NOT easy, my friends. 

Ultimately, I am just so damn happy I have the wonderful opportunity of working on this show. Even though I am just a teeny-tiny, itty-bitty piece as to what goes on, it has been such a blessing to take it all in and watch true professionals do their thing. I am just starting in this business and the show couldn’t have come at a better time as an inspiration as well as a wake-up call. They’re all just normal people who work really, really hard. It’s not like Shoshana just snapped her fingers and landed a role in WICKED or came out with a solo album. Seeing the process and the work ethic is truly inspiring and I highly recommend anyone starting out in the entertainment industry takes a job that allows them to watch from a different perspective. Even if you think you’ve been in countless productions and you know how it works, I promise you it’s not the same. You will appreciate and love a show in a whole new way. 

SO, now that all 50 of you who actually read my blog have suffered whatever mumbo jumbo I just barfed out, GO BUY TICKETS TO ‘DEAR JOHN MAYER’. And quick, because this bitch will probably be on the Broadway soon. Catch it in this intimate venue and before you have to fight off hundreds of fan girls all clamoring for Shoshana to sign 6 year old ‘Wicked’ playbills. Only 9 performances left! You won’t regret it, that I can assure you.. 

dearjohnmayer.com, www.openfist.org/#DJM, twitter.com/dearjohnmayer 

Great article about how to talk to young girls, and how it ultimately effects their personal growth. Anyone who spends time with children needs to read!

cynthiameng:

Happy Independence Day! (Oh wait, nobody here gives a crap.)

In all seriousness, with July 4th rolling around, I’ve given plenty of thought to the festivities that the holidays entail, most notably, the fireworks, the food, and of course, the drinking. I suppose that living in the USA I’ve taken…